What to Expect in the NICU: A Gentle Guide for New Parents
If your baby needs to spend time in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), first let me say this: you are not alone. So many parents describe walking into the NICU for the first time as overwhelming: the beeping machines, the medical terms, the tiny size of the babies. It can all feel overwhelming.
But here’s the thing: the NICU is also a place filled with incredible care, love, and resilience. And while this may not be the start you pictured, your baby is in the best place they could be at this stage. Let’s talk through what you might expect, so you can feel a little more at ease.
The NICU Environment
The NICU is set up to give babies extra help as they grow stronger. When you walk in, you’ll probably see:
Monitors and Alarms– They keep track of your baby’s breathing, heart rate, and oxygen. They beep often, and most of the time it’s just a reminder for the nurses, not an emergency.
Incubators and Warmers– Think of these as cozy little nests that keep your baby’s temperature just right.
A Whole Team of Experts – Doctors, nurses, therapists, lactation consultants, and more, all focused on helping your baby thrive.
It might look intimidating at first, but over time, these sights and sounds often become familiar.
Your Role as a Parent
Even in the NICU, you are your baby’s safe place. The care team is there to help support bonding in any way your baby is able. Here are some ways you’ll likely be involved:
Skin-to-Skin (Kangaroo Care)– Placing your baby on your chest helps regulate their heart and breathing, and it’s one of the best ways to bond. This can be done by both parents, not just the birthing parent!
Feeding and Pumping– If you’re breastfeeding or pumping, staff will help you on that journey! They will show you safe ways to feed your baby, how to pump, and help answer questions. If you are not feeding your baby breast milk, you still have the option of bottle feeding your baby if they are able!
Hands-On Care – From changing diapers to taking temperatures, these little moments of care mean everything to your baby. And don’t worry, you’ll be supported through this, too!
Bonding- Some babies need a little extra care and aren’t able to be moved. If that happens, you can still sit by them, read to them, talk to them, and more. Your presence is important and makes a big difference for your baby.
Your touch, your voice, and your presence are powerful. Don’t underestimate how much comfort you bring.
Understanding the Lingo
Hospitals love their acronyms, and the NICU is no different. Here are a few you might hear:
CPAP or Ventilator – Tools to help babies breathe.
NG Tube – A soft tube that carries milk right to your baby’s tummy.
Apnea – A short pause in breathing (common in preemies).
Rounds – When the doctors and nurses talk through your baby’s care plan, you’re welcome to listen in and ask questions!
APGAR– A means of evaluating, on a scale of 1-10, how a newborn baby adjusts to the environment outside the uterus immediately after delivery
Cannula– A thin, flexible tube that goes over the baby’s face and head and is connected to an oxygen source.
If a term ever confuses you, just ask. The team is there to support you.
Caring for Yourself Too
I know your focus is on your baby, but your well-being matters just as much. A few gentle reminders:
Take breaks – It’s okay to step out, eat, and rest.
Ask questions (again and again) – You’re learning a whole new world, and no one expects you to know it all. You’re also likely running on limited sleep, amongst all the other emotions going on. If you need to re-ask questions, do it! Understanding what is happening is your right.
Lean on your people – Whether that’s your partner, a doula, a close friend, or other NICU parents, support makes all the difference.
How Doulas Can Support NICU Families
When your baby is in the NICU, your world can feel like it’s been turned upside down. This is where a doula can be such a steady presence. While doulas don’t provide medical care, we walk alongside you with emotional, practical, and informational support, such as:
Helping you process what’s happening– explaining medical terms in plain language or just listening when it all feels too much.
Supporting your feeding journey– whether that’s pumping around the clock, navigating donor milk, bottle feeding, or just figuring out what works best for your family.
Caring for you– reminding you to eat, rest, and check in with your own healing while your baby is being cared for.
Being a bridge– encouraging questions for your care team and helping you feel confident as your baby’s advocate.
Postpartum and home support– when it’s finally time to bring your baby home, helping ease that transition and making sure you feel supported in your new normal.
Having a doula during a NICU stay can make it feel less lonely. You deserve support, too.
Heading Home
The day you get to take your baby home will be incredible, but it can also feel a little scary. Before discharge, the NICU staff will walk you through everything from feeding to safe sleep to follow-up appointments. Remember, you don’t have to have it all figured out at once. You’ll learn as you go, just like every parent.
A Final Word
Spending time in the NICU can feel like a detour you never wanted, but it doesn’t change this truth: your baby knows you and is comforted by you. Your love, your scent, your touch—it’s exactly what they need. And, they are exactly where they need to be for the moment.
This season may be hard, but it’s also shaping you into a parent who is strong, resilient, and deeply connected. One day, you’ll look back and see just how far you and your baby have come.
Helpful Resources for NICU Parents
Finding the right support can make such a difference when you’re navigating the NICU. Here are some places to turn when you need information, encouragement, or connection:
March of Dimes: NICU Family Support- Offers education, emotional support, and community programs for families during and after a NICU stay.
Graham’s Foundation- Provides care packages, peer mentors, and resources specifically for parents of preemies.
Hand to Hold- A nonprofit that connects NICU families with peer mentors and offers virtual support groups and podcasts.
Postpartum Support International (PSI)- NICU parents are at higher risk for postpartum anxiety and depression. PSI offers a helpline, support groups, and local provider connections.
Hospital-Based Support- Many NICUs have their own family rooms, parent councils, or support groups. Ask your baby’s nurse or social worker about what’s available locally.
Books for NICU Parents
Preemies: The Essential Guide for Parents of Premature Babies by Dana Wechsler Linden, Emma Trenti Paroli, and Mia Wechsler Doron, M.D.
Your Baby’s First Year: Fourth Edition (American Academy of Pediatrics) – helpful for milestone tracking after NICU discharge.
And, of course, Expert Doula Support- Reach out to me!
Remember, reaching out for support is a strength, not a weakness. You don’t have to go through this alone.
